Stress impairs the ability to resolve conflicts by limiting your ability: if you disagree with someone, it can end positively. Disagreements force you to change, innovate and find better ways of doing things, develop new skills and use improved resources. Too often, conflicts do not lead to a positive outcome. The bigger the conflict, the harder it is to control it, while a disagreement can be controlled, says Doug Hovatter of West Virginia University. CR Kit – Covers the causes of conflict, different styles of conflict, and fair fighting guidelines to help you resolve disagreements in a positive way. (Conflict Resolution Network) Conflicts arise from large and small differences. This always happens when people disagree about their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences seem trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is often at the heart of the problem. These needs can range from the need to feel safe or respected and appreciated, to the need for greater proximity and privacy. What should you accomplish in your first meeting? Whether you meet or not, there are several things you want to do at the first meeting. Explain that you see your role in helping them find a mutually acceptable solution to their conflict, but also in ensuring that the resolution does not have a negative impact on the team or organization. Make it clear that to decide whether a particular agreement is acceptable, you and your consent.
And then set rules every time you meet. For example, treat everyone with respect and don`t interrupt them. Emotional awareness is the key to understanding oneself and others. If you don`t know how or why you feel a certain way, you won`t be able to communicate effectively or resolve disagreements. The sources of information are often different. Your source of information may be different from that of others. And often this translates into different points of view. This can lead to disagreements. Focus on the present. If you cling to resentment based on past conflicts, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be compromised.
Instead of looking back and assigning blame, focus on what you can do here and now to solve the problem. What is also important in this research is that it suggests that our emotional experiences are strongly influenced by our own personal history. The personal part of our reaction is that we characterize what they do. In the above case, your spouse`s action is not described (he has done nothing he should do), it is characterized by how he feels for you; It feels like you`re being abused. Someone who doesn`t do something they`re supposed to do has personal meaning for you. Remember, you don`t need to choose a meeting mode and stick to it throughout the process. You can switch between modes. However, our research suggests that in conflict resolution, it is more effective to start separately and develop empathy and then move on to a set than to start together and meet separately. What information do you need to get from future meetings? To resolve the conflict, you need to know from both people their positions (what everyone wants), their interests (why everyone takes that position, how the position reflects their needs) and their priorities (what is more and less important to everyone and why). Learn to describe, not characterize, your spouse`s actions. This is a big problem, if you react to your emotions, you will characterize, not describe the action of your spouse. Your spouse will rarely, if ever, experience his or her action as you characterize it.
The characterization of an action is based on your personal vision of the situation. Here is a table with examples of stock descriptions and how you can characterize what your partner has done. Resources such as money are often a root of conflict. Currency crises keep your mood very capricious and your level of patience at this point remains at a very low level. Have you ever noticed that many couples who seem to argue a lot still manage to stay together? Have you ever wondered why they stay together when they seem to have such different opinions? That`s because conflict does one of two things. Either it brings people closer together or it separates them more. Those who stay together during the conflict (rather than distancing themselves from the other person) know that the conflict will not last forever and that by talking through the conflict to find a solution, they will end up better understanding, appreciating and accepting each other. Let the conflict work for you by being determined to let the conflict bring you both closer together, rather than being further away every time you disagree. You can ensure that the process of resolving and resolving conflicts is as positive as possible by adhering to the following guidelines: Be open to learning a different or more effective way of doing things. Let the other person know that you believe their way of doing things might be better than the way you do things.
Be prepared to do some research or try things differently than you normally do. The other person is more likely to listen to what you have to say, and you can simply learn something you didn`t know! Misinterpretation and misunderstanding of various things such as nature, expectations of goals, priorities can lead to conflicts. While many couples and the people who counsel them use disagreements and conflicts interchangeably; I think this ignores the important differences between these two types of interactions. Here, only the human being against himself is an inner conflict and the rest is an external conflict. A very simple part of managing a conflict is staying calm and listening. All you have to do is practice the „shut up and listen“ technique. When practicing the previously mentioned gentle breathing exercise, be calm. Focus on your breathing and listen to what the other person has to say. Let the other person have the conversation.
You don`t have to do all the work. Just take a deep breath and listen. Positively increase the other person`s willingness to resolve your conflict. You can do this by saying something like „I really appreciate that you took the time to reach a compromise with me“ or „Thank you for being ready to resolve our conflict sooner. You are really a good communicator! You can even give the person a small gift as a sign of your appreciation. By showing appreciation and respect for the other person, they will be more likely to listen to you in the future and resolve conflicts with you again. Arguments about rights may take the form of appeals to fairness or past practices. The problem is that for every argument of rights that one colleague puts forward, the other can make another argument that supports his or her own position. What one party considers right, the other considers unjust and vice versa.
When they start invoking fairness, suggest that the discussion be temporarily shelved while you search together for information that might be helpful in resolving the conflict. You don`t have to take the conflict personally! Objectify the conflict instead of personalizing it. .